Lyn

"It's not you. It's me."

I might have believed that if I hadn't been told the very same thing a hundred million times during my dating life. Well, maybe not that many times, but basically, every adult relationship I had ever had all ended with those fateful words.

I don't even know why I even bothered dating anymore. It was obvious that things like relationships, monogamy, and commitment weren't meant to be part of my vocabulary. Dreaming about them didn't make them happen. I was positive of that. I'd been dreaming for a very long time.

I clutched my cat Meep to my chest and watched my boyfriend—ex boyfriend—Jordan Kershaw pack up what little items he'd brought to my apartment over the six months we'd been dating. There wasn't anything to say when the man walked out the door, not that I would have said anything even if there was. I knew better than to hold on to someone who wanted to be let go.

I wasn't one of those people.

Sorta.

Jordan paused at the door and looked back at me. "You're a great guy, Lyn. I just...I'm not ready to settle down right now and you are."

Jordan was right. I did want to settle down. I wanted to come home to the same man every night, sleep by his side, and know I was going to grow old with him. One-night stands made me shudder.

One of my best friends, Lany Delvecchio, was married to my SWAT commander. I had never seen two people more in love. They lived and breathed for each other. It sometimes felt as if Lany couldn't live without Sal and Sal couldn't live without Lany.

That's what I wanted. I didn't think that was a bad thing until now. Now, I wondered if it was a fantasy that I would ever realize. Maybe it only happened once a millennia or something and Lany and Sal had been the lucky ones this time around.

It certainly wasn't me.

For awhile there, I had thought maybe I could have something special with the second-in-command of the SWAT unit I served on, Sergeant Victor Clarke. For a couple of years we'd played a cat and mouse game until I finally understood that Clarke didn't do relationships. He was a one-night stand kind of guy.

Sadly, he didn't even want that from me, and I was positive of that because I had offered more than once. Hell, I practically put myself on a silver platter. It did me no good. Clarke had said something about not messing up the delicate balance at work and made sure we were never alone together except for work.

Whatever.

I sighed as I watched the door close behind Jordan, knowing I would never see the man again. Sadly, the thought of never seeing him again wasn't as bad as the tight knot in my gut that came from knowing I was going to be alone again.

I hated being alone.

Maybe it was a good thing I had never taken Jordan to meet my friends. There had been plenty of invitations, but I had always put them off, saying maybe next time. Next time never came. Had I somehow known we weren't going to work out?

Maybe I was psychic.

Or just stupid.

Maybe both.

I sighed as I walked over to curl up in the chair by the window. Jordan had packed everything he'd ever brought to my apartment and walked out. In under ten minutes, it was as if the man had never even been there.

I wasn't heartbroken, but I was close. And strangely enough, it had nothing to do with Jordan leaving me or even being dumped. I was just so tired of trying to find someone to call my own, especially considering I didn't think that mysterious person existed.

My mind instantly went to Clarke.

My heart started to ache all over again and tears sprouted in my eyes. I angrily wiped them away. Dreaming of Clarke was getting me nowhere except neck deep in more heartache. The man had made his choice about anything happening between us loud and clear. He didn't want me any more than Jordan did.

I was starting to think no one wanted me.

Meep. He wanted me.

I hugged my cat just a little bit tighter.

I needed to rethink my life. I was miserable pretty much all the time nowadays. Going to lunch with Lany and Eddie seemed to be the highlight of my life, and how sad was that? Sure, I adored my best friends, but I wanted more than that in my life.

I needed to do some hard thinking about what I wanted, what I could have, and how to find a happy middle ground. There had to be one, right? People didn't go through life getting everything they wanted, but there had to be some reward for being a good guy.

I had to believe that or I'd slit my wrists.

I sighed as I stroked my fingers through Meep's black fur. What did I want in life? Clarke was at the top of my list, but that wasn't going to happen. Under him on that list was simply having someone at my side, someone glad to see me at the end of the day, someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone besides my cat.

I sat up straight as the preverbal light bulb went off over my head.

I wanted a family.

"Huh." I chuckled as the world's biggest epiphany sank into me. Hell, it damn near slapped me upside the face. I wanted a family and nothing said I couldn't have one. Granted, I'd need to make some major changes in my life, give up a few dreams, but I could have the family I wanted so damn much.

I already had a cat.